Sunday, December 09, 2007

'Tis the Season

This evening was more or less my favourite holiday-type stuff. We ate, then my wife wrapped Christmas presents while I drank eggnog and watched Christmas movies.

In honour of this occasion, in no particular order, are this atheist's favourite Christmas movies.

  1. A Christmas Story: (1983) "You'll shoot your eye out!" A sleep hit that everyone has seen by now.
  2. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation: (1989) "Hallelujah! Holy Shit! Where's the Tylenol?" Likely the funniest holiday movie EVER.
  3. Black Christmas: (1974) "Filthy Billy, I know what you did nasty Billy!" Apparently, my mom was pregnant with me when she went to see this movie. She says that's what's wrong with me.
  4. Die Hard: (1988) "We're gonna need some more FBI guys I guess." Not your usual Christmas fare, but it does take place on Christmas eve. So it counts.
  5. Die Hard 2: Die Harder: (1990) "Oh man, I can't fucking believe this. Another basement, another elevator. How can the same thing happen to the same guy twice?" Not as good as the first (Has the sequel ever been as good as the first?), but still fun, and Bill Sadler is in it.
  6. Ghostbusters II: (1989) "You know, I'm a voter. Aren't you supposed to lie to me and kiss my butt?" Again, not as good as the first, but still a lot of fun. And, the villain (Vigo the Carpathian) was in Die Hard. I only noticed as the he blew up.
  7. How the Grinch Stole Christmas!: (1966) "It came without ribbons! It came without tags! It came without packages, boxes, or bags!" The original, narrated by Boris Karloff. Not that two-hour crime against humanity starring Carrey.
  8. Life of Brian: (1979) "He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy!" It starts on Christmas. Incidentally, it ends at Easter (and Passover, coincidentally), so it's an all-round holiday movie. Plus, it really pissed off religious people when it was released.
  9. Scrooged: (1988) "The bitch hit me with a toaster." Bill Murray in his heyday. Plus, Mary Lou Retton, and some very funny homeless people.
  10. Four Rooms: (1995) "Well, most recently, there's room 309, there's this scary Mexican gangster dude poking his finger in my chest. There's his hooligan kids snapping their fingers at me. There's a putrid, rotting corpse of a dead whore stuck in the springs of the bed. There's rooms blazing afire. There's a big fat needle from God knows where, stuck in my leg, infecting me with God knows what. And finally there's me, walking out the door, right fucking now. Buenas noches." Not a Christmas movie. New Years. But it's funny as all hell, and I needed to make this an even ten.
I could have thrown "It's a Wonderful Life" in, but it isn't always, and it has angels. Another candidate was the Muppet Christmas Carol. It gets honourable mention for the greatest number of puppets. Except possibly the Fraggle Rock Xmas special. Or the Muppet Christmas movie, where they pack as many puppets onto one set as they could fit puppeteers. It was a dog's breakfast of puppets, if you'll recall: Muppets, Sesame Street and Fraggles. There were probably more, too. I think John Denver was there. So bonus points for having a real ghost of Christmas Past.

Stay tuned for this atheist's favourite Christmas music.

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