Saturday, June 07, 2008

Breaking News!

I like to keep an eye on the ultra-right, the neocons, and the bigots. For one thing, they amuse me; they're like super-villains in Marvel Comics, but without super powers, money or brains. They're evil, but not Evil. They hate the gays, the liberals, the women, the taxes and the media, but they're impotent and frightened.

On second thought, they're nothing like Marvel Villains. They're more like the little angry dog that freaks out as you walk by in front of their house.

Exposing myself to their ideas is like playing with that flap of skin you get on the roof of your mouth after you burn it with pizza or from eating Cap'n Crunch. You probe at it with your tongue, because it hurts a little bit, but the sensation is fascinating. Don't lie. You do it, too.

So I subscribe to a few of the more choice email bulletins, and one actual paper magazine, and I read their columns in the Sun. The Philadelphia Trumpet is delivered to my home free of charge, and thanks to this wonderful publication, I have learned that climate change is not man's fault, that in fact the earth is cooling, and there's nothing we can do about, because the Bible says something somewhere that contradicts the evidence. Further, China is on the rise, not because they hold all of America's debt, still have a manufacturing economy and a few resources to spare, but because Revelation says something about it. Because clearly John the Divine knew a great deal about the Chinese. Also, Karl Marx is the devil.

I also get regular email updates from Worldview Weekend, which reminds me often that the gays are bad. Their motto is, "Think and live like a Christian", which judging by the commentary they feed me, really means "Think like we tell you, and live like the gays are on the march, and will anally rape you and your children." They also keep trying to sell me stuff with will help me become more judgemental. Hate is a hell of an industry, apparently.

I got a special update from them today. It was "Breaking News!". Three guesses what it was about.

Got it in one!

Breaking News: This could happen to your child or grandchild. Brannon Howse takes on Barnes and Noble for what they allowed to happen to his minor son.
What happened? Wet floor? Collapsing bookshelves? Mein Kampf? Comic books?

On June 5th, my eleven year old son joined me in a visit to our local Barnes and Noble Bookstore in Collierville, TN. I was horrified at what my son saw. Open on
a table was a very large, full-color, picture book displaying a man in full frontal nudity. The cover was two men kissing with the title GAY SEX.
OMG! Penises! And other penises! And maybe the penises are touching!

Note that he's only horrified that his son saw it. Did maybe Howse like the penises? Not likely! He's a conservative! Probably votes Republican. No gays here...

The assistant manager told me that this was the second time that night this book had been laid open in the store.
Ever seen So I Married and Axe Murderer? Remember the scene when Charlie is making fun of his mother for reading The Weekly World News, and makes that fake screaming sound by inhaling? Imagine I'm making that sound right now. Clearly, the gays are everywhere, leaving their dirty gay spoor about, to entice unsuspecting eleven-year-old Christians into the "gay lifestyle".

She also informed me that such books were regularly found in the men's room.
That's kinda gross. Not because gay men might be committing the sin of Onan in the john, but because they might get some on the book, and then that book is reshelved...

Also, masturbating in public restrooms is a bit queer, if you'll pardon the pun.

She said a young boy had been sexually assaulted in the bathroom at this store and the man was never caught.
Which, admittedly is a problem, but has nothing to do with gay men liking to look at naked men, and jerking off in a washroom stall. However, the two are equated, because obviously, most pedophiles are gay, and most homosexuals are pedophiles. Gay people are bad.

The assistant manger walked me to where the book was normally kept. Was it behind a counter? No, it was on the top shelf of a bookcase that any 13 year old
could reach.
Not only could any 13-year-old reach it, but a tallish 12-year-old might be able to, if he stood up on his tiptoes! And not just gay 12-year-olds, straight ones, too! You also have to wonder why Howse asked to see the "GAY SEX" section of the bookstore.

Welcome to the 21st Century where being gay is mainstream and celebrated as
normal in a family bookstore.
Allow me to submit that being gay is relatively mainstream, is relatively normal, and this attitude should penetrate to bookstores. You see, the problem is that you were in a bookstore, Mr. Howse. There are often books there. Books are useful for facilitating an exchange of ideas. A liberal exchange of ideas. Bookstores, in many ways, are antithetical to the idea of censorship, and books are sometimes supposed to make you uncomfortable.

Listen to my national radio program to find out what I am going to do.

What ARE you going to do? He spoils the surprise by telling us:

Collierville, TN does not have an ordinance that requires this type of material to be behind a counter out of reach of children or moved into a restricted area that requires a person to be 18 or older to enter. This is one more example of where elected officials have the opportunity to implement public policy that protects the innocence of our children as well as accounts for their physical safety. You can bet I will be working for such a city ordinance as well as working to make sure state law 39-17-911 is enforced and there is a penalty for robbing my son's innocence.

I am working with the American Family Association to have an e-mail go to 3
million people calling for a boycott of Barnes and Nobel until they put this garbage behind a counter or in a restricted area where children can not see it or have access to it.

The STRAIGHT SEX books, however, can remain on the shelves where they belong.

Welcome to the 21st Century where homosexuality is now mainstreamed into a family bookstore.

You said that already.

The chances are greater in some states that I would get charged with a hate-crime for speaking out about this rather than the store being fined.
Probably, but not in Tennessee, where men are men and fags are nervous.

A code enforcer where I live in Collierville, TN woke up my friend that other day to tell him his for sale sign was 11 feet, not 12 feet, from the curb. He had just returned from driving all night long from Houston from a doctor's appointment. He is recovering from cancer. The code enforcers have made companies move a shrub a few feet to match their original landscape plan. Yet, no town code for a store to keep porn from a child. Thus, I have to run to an official in the county for help instead of in my own town where I live.
'Scuse me? If there's no code, how is this relevant? Stay focused, Howse. GAY SEX, remember? And isn't your town in the county? Just how far would you have to go to get there?

We don't have time for you to struggle with it. The answer is: not very far at all.

Think the elected officials in my town are straining at gnats and swallowing camels?
Can someone explain that to me?

I bet during an election year they will all be Mr. Pro-family now and they will be looking for that press coverage as the town hero by offering up an ordinance. Real sincere....thanks guys for being asleep at the switch. This is the same story repeated a thousands times throughout America.
All across America, every day, GAY SEX books are left out in the open, and good, 11-year-old Christian boys see them...

Won't somebody please think of the children?

My family includes a gay man (and his fiancé, so two, I guess). That means to me your stance is, in fact, ANTI-family.

However, Howse is right in pointing out that politicians always seem to be chasing that elusive homophobe vote, in the US, and here in Canada, too. Besides, what do you care if they're sincere or not, provided you get what you want?

Incidentally, I couldn't find Tennessee State Law 39-17-911, but title 39, Ch. 17 deals with child curfew.

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